MAIN TITLE Baby and Child
Article Title The terrible two’s
Kids are great but not when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum.
So here are some tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible.
The terrible
two’s are mainly about attention, and as little and non-comunative as they are they
will work out just how to wind you up and get there own way. It is all about them
stressing you out and manipulating you to get there own way. If throwing a temper
tantrum or whining, or any other such behaviour works to get you to see things their
way, then they will.
So, how can you ensure that you control the situation and not
the child, by using exactly the same principles as you would with an older child.
You need to be clear about what behaviors you will accept or not accept. Don't take
on a battle if it really isn't important. Be clear about your instructions - say
what you mean, and mean what you say. Say it once and don't repeat yourself. Once
you have done that, then follow it up with action.
Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a "naughty chair"?
Here is how it works:
First get a small child's chair and put it in a corner somewhere, facing into the room. If they fail to do as they are told after you have said what you mean and meant what you said then you send them to the chair with words to the effect of: "Oh dear, you seem to have been naughty again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you can be good again."
Once they offer evidence of compliance or better behavior or by them telling you
so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them especially
if they are fussing or whining.
Suggest to them that they may have dropped them
under the chair, or in their pockets, or perhaps they even fell in their shoes. This
helps to turn them away from whining to a more positive attitude (and turns you from
shouting to being helpful).
Usually the manners are found pretty quickly. Once they
have found their manners, you can then tell them to do what they were originally
supposed to do, or perhaps they need to apologize (eg to their sister for thumping
her!).
Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss
out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize,
or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their
manners is a return of compliant polite behavior.
You will need to strike the right
balance between "time-out" ie ignoring them, and a bit of assistance (since they
are young, and this is all new to them).
What is important is that you don't get into yelling mode, and they don't get away with inappropriate behavior.
Keep it calm, keep it positive, keep showing that you still love them, but that the
behavior is the problem - i.e. the child is not the problem, the problem is simply
that she has been naughty temporarily - once she can assure you that she can be good
again, then all will be well again.
Now, what about when you are out in public?
The
key there, as everywhere else, is that you have to mean what you say, say what you
mean, and follow up with action.
So, how do you time out in public? Sit them down
in the aisle and do a kind of "naughty chair" in which no one is going anywhere else
until he can be good. Take them out and do a time out in the car. They are in the
car, you are outside, looking AWAY from them. You stand there and you wait patiently
until they are quiet.
Do NOT respond or get into a "discussion" with them until the
time-out is up.
Abandon the shopping trip and go home and do the time out there.
You will only have to do this a few times before they get the message that you mean
business in public just as you do at home. While doing all of this, remember to stay
calm and in control. Getting into a lather about it all will just make things worse
rather than better.
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